HO. HO. HO. HAPPY HOGSWATCH.

I have decided by the powers vested in m eto decree once and for all Christmas is over. No more Christmas ever.
Since the majority of the world's population seem not to believe in God then to celebrate his birth seems a bit foolish. The greatest birthday celebration has been reduced to a marketing holiday. People are more inclined to worship a fat man in a red suit than a God fpr the gift He gave over 2000 years ago. What is more is the fat man is a sell out to Coca-Cola. It is easier to find pictures of Santa or Christmas trees than it is to find pictures of the blessed nativity scene. The Christmas specials on children's TV are more likely to extol Christmas as the time of Santa than the time of Baby Jesus. For these reasons I am cancelling Christmas for this and every year.
However, just in case anyone is worried, I will set up another holiday in its place. And it shall be called ... Hogswatch (thanks to Terry Pratchett). This holiday will celebrate a 'fat' man who brings gifts to everyone who has money in the world. It shall be celebrated with excessive spending on trivial items given to people in the hope they will give back to you. The feeling of the season shall be stress and worry. The way it shall be celebrated shall be with screaming children waking at unholy hours of the morning, parents being dragged from their beds for children who wish to worship idols of plastic and metal. The chief drink of the day shall be alcohol and everyone is to drink as much of it as they possibly can and then make a complete ass out of themselves. In fact it shall be celebrated just like most of the world celebrate Christmas.
To the Christians reading this do not be worried. We can continue with religious zeal to celebrate the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, on this day. We can in fact keep Christ's Mass. But nothing is to stop us in our own peculiar way in celebrating Hogswatch as well.
So, to the Saints, Merry Christmas and may you enjoy the true Christmas Spirit.
And to the non-Christians, Happy Hogswatch. Ho. Ho. Ho.